THIRTY YEARS A TEXAN
I have now lived in Texas longer than I have lived in my native state of Washington, but as Dorothy so aptly stated, “There’s no place like home.” Where you were brought up, especially if it was a safe, cozy, and loving home, will always have your heart. Though I’ve spent thirty years of life as a Texan, I still consider myself a Washingtonian. One has to be tough to survive in Texas. There are plants, creatures and weather out here that want to kill you. So, I’ve summed up the lessons learned in my thirty years as a Texan as such:
Avoid fire ants at all costs.
Don’t underestimate the mosquitoes.
Don’t scratch!
Cockroaches are not respecters of persons; they will make themselves at home in anyone’s house, no matter how clean you are.
Don’t do yard work without first checking for well-camouflaged copperhead snakes.
Alligators run faster than you think. In fact, they’re known to sprint as fast as 35 mph. The good news is, they tire quickly. So you’ll be fine as long as you keep running and yes, occasionally they are at the beach.
If you smell skunk musk, it well might be a cottonmouth water moccasin.
The cheeky mockingbird in your yard has 250 to 350 songs in its repertoire.
The insect symphony you hear during the day are cicadas, but at night it’s a symphony of crickets, katydids and various frogs.
If you order tea, you’re going to get it iced.
Don’t touch the cacti.
Texas palms can be used as a weapon of warfare.
Know the hurricane evacuation route out of your city.
Have a plan and emergency kit packed for hurricanes, tornadoes and floods.
A tornado sounds like a train, so try to listen for it over the sound of your spouse’s snoring.
You can grab an armadillo by the tail and fling it over the fence, or better yet, sprinkle your urine around the fence line to scare the armadillo away.
*A version of this published in The Facts May 2024 Guest Columnist
