BITTERSWEET
The holidays can be bittersweet. While you watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “White Christmas,” you might shed a tear for your father, mother, spouse, or sibling. You might be reminded of how much they liked to watch a certain Christmas show, baked their signature Christmas cookie, led the Christmas carols, or hung the lights outside. Whatever the memory is for you, friend, I know it can be tough. Memories are a constant reminder of them, especially when the loss is recent.
We all have such high expectations for the holidays, when you add the grief and longing for the lost loved one, it can become unbearable. It’s a good idea to acknowledge the loss and talk about it with your friends. A good friend will listen, so tell them what is difficult. I always say, the beloved is worthy of your tears, so crying is honoring them. One proactive way to cope with holiday grief is to allow for it, prepare for it, then find a way to honor the departed in a new way.
Here are some ideas for you and your family:
Leave an empty chair at the table for the one you have lost.
Hang their picture in a place of honor for the holidays or put it in a small frame and hang it on the Christmas tree.
Write a note to the person you miss, if the whole group is grieving, have each person write a note and put it in a special box labeled with the holiday. You can opt to read the notes aloud or not or maybe read them the next year.
Take the opportunity during the holiday to reminisce. What did they do that was special that holiday? Pass the torch and assign another person the honorary task of doing the thing the beloved did.
Create a new tradition, maybe it has nothing to do with your loved one but just brings something fresh to the gathering.
Play your loved one’s favorite Christmas show or song.
Serve your loved one’s favorite dish.
Make a memory box. Each person puts a memory inside the box.
If you are a quiltmaker, create a special quilt out of some fabric that is from that loved one, maybe it comes out at Thanksgiving or Christmas or maybe you pass the quilt around each year for a different person to enjoy.
Wear something that the beloved wore or make something new out of it.
As you light the candles at the holiday meal, light one for the person you lost. “This is in remembrance of…”
Buy their favorite flowers for the centerpiece.
Buy a special ornament for everyone that reminds you of the person or give everyone an ornament that belonged to that person.
Write a poem or short story about your loved one and read it at the dinner table.
Observe a moment of silence or prayer for the loved one or make a holiday toast to honor them.
Remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, but there are ways to grieve in a manner that honors and preserves their memory. I wish you a happy and perhaps bittersweet holiday to you, friend.
*Published in The Facts December 7, 2024
